If you hesitate to approach your manager, ask yourself why. What is the fear or hesitation about? Did you have a bad past experience? Or is it just lack of experience? Understanding and acknowledging how you feel will set the tone for communication (which is the relationship). Feeling secure when speaking to your manager is all about your level of self-awareness. The confidence that arises when you take care of your own needs will keep you plugged into your own power–which gives you the motivation to form great relationships that will keep you coming back for more.

Here are some tips to communicate clearly with your manager:

Think of all conversations as wavelengths. Your goal is for your manager to understand what you are saying, and then hopefully do something about it (or empower you to resolve the issue). You want your manager to “be on the same wavelength” as you because if he or she is, you will both see the situation from the same point of view. Your responsibility is to try and get on your manager’s wavelength. Empathy is crucial.

Begin by putting out a good signal. Speak your unfettered truth. The most steadfast and strong signal is the one that comes from knowing who you are and what you want. In your truth, you will discover that your own personal power will come across loud and clear, regardless of the words you choose.

Focus on the process, not the outcome. Your primary responsibility is to tell your story (not to convince, persuade, judge, etc.) Use the DESC model to structure your thoughts: Describing the problem, Explaining the impact, Stating what you want/need, and the Consequence if things don’t change.

Remember, managers are people, too. You are talking to another human being who presumably is trying to do his or her best in a challenging situation. If every employee would be willing to create and sustain a good relationship with his or her manager, the unit would be an incredible place to work. When staff members make comments to each other rather than their manager (about complaints, concerns, etc.), there is a general feeling of “nothing can be done about this,” which fosters a profound feeling of negativity and helplessness in the workplace. Negativity is virulent.

Bring forth important issues. Managers simply cannot be on the unit 24 hours a day, so they count on you to relay important information. They feel valuable if they are effective. To be effective in creating a great work environment, managers must address the issues you are bringing forth. But they can’t fix a problem if they don’t know it exists. They depend on you to bring concerns and problems to their attention.

Refuse to listen to gossip about a manager. Gossip undermines intentions and creates an atmosphere or doubt and mistrust. Form your own opinion. Create your own relationship. A leader without support is like a ship without water. Perhaps the relationship that you forge with the manager will set a new standard for others to use to communicate.

Editor’s note: This excerpt is from Stressed Out About Communication Skills, HCPro Inc, 2007. For more information on the book, click here.