You are having difficulty with a coworker and need to discuss it with him or her. You want to communicate effectively, but are unsure about how to approach the conversation. So as not to trigger defensiveness in the other nurse, start the conversation off along these lines: “I’m concerned about how we’ve been working together lately. I wanted to get your thoughts on this.”

Then, continue the conversation using the “When you, I feel, I want” dialogue:

1. “When you . . . (address the behavior you want to discuss)”
2. “I feel . . . (identify your feelings)”
3. “Because . . . (list the effects of the behavior on you)”
4. “I’d like . . . (voice your desired solution/outcome)”

Practice this dialogue so that it comes naturally the next time you find yourself involved in a conflict.

Source: Stressed Out About Your First Year of Nursing, HCPro Inc., 2006. For more information on our series of Stressed Out books, visit www.stressedoutnurses.com